


Our Haikus Runneth Over

by OhSchittWeWroteFanFic



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: 5-7-5, An interactive project, Canon Compliant, Collected works, F/M, Haiku, Haiku humor, M/M, Post-Canon, Schitt's Creek as told by haiku, Series highlights, canon adjacent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21568942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhSchittWeWroteFanFic/pseuds/OhSchittWeWroteFanFic
Summary: An eclectic collection of Schitt's Creek-themed haikus
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Theodore "Ted" Mullens/Alexis Rose
Comments: 20
Kudos: 28





	1. See Me for All That I Am

**Author's Note:**

> hai·ku  
> /ˈhīˌko͞o/  
> noun  
> a Japanese poem of seventeen syllables, in three lines of five, seven, and five, traditionally evoking images of the natural world.  
> a poem in English written in the form of a haiku.
> 
> Do you want to try your hand at writing one? Add yours in the Comments.

Lightning bolt sweater  
Pants that are also a skirt  
Leather jacket heat

Hyper capable  
Unassumingly sexy  
A partner in love

One has black stubble  
And one has honey brown eyes  
David and Patrick

David waves his hands  
Patrick flexes his forearms  
These boys have found home

You broke through my walls  
See me for all that I am  
Damaged goods no more

The most smashing thing  
His peepers have laid eyes on  
Is Patrick Brewer

Patrick thinks David  
Is perfectly capable  
Of sweeping the floor

You’re simply the best  
Open mic to olive branch  
To our wedding day


	2. Only Love Will Move Them

A doorbell is heard  
“Immigration?” “Revenue”  
It starts all over!

She feels lost and small  
He is devastated here  
Who gets murdered first?

Still like their portrait  
Lost, living separate lives  
Only love will move them

Sampling fruit wine  
Moira is challenged to speak  
“Bingo Lingfucker!”

He may be scrimpy  
Indoorsy and delicate  
But his bowels are tight

Fatherly lecture  
Speaking of our hearts and parts  
So very cringey

Running to New York  
Come with me, he implores her  
Platonic friends? No


	3. A Lot of Things Wrong

A lot of things wrong  
Truck dead, Amish don’t want me  
A bug on my dress

Streep inspiration  
Just a couple of lost boys  
Amid skanky clothes

Can I have a hug?  
Brotherly love gives support  
Siblings grow closer

There’s a wall of wigs  
Stilted enunciation  
Moira fucking Rose

Angelica rocks  
Her fashion pony well, but  
David earns the check

To celebrate love  
And lives coming together  
They dance in a barn


	4. Our Best Has Been Done

Isn’t that your friend?  
Should we be walking ahead?  
This is so awkward!

The thing with throuples  
Is there’s always a favorite  
Just tasting metal

Let’s all be with us  
Misread the situation?  
Then take a step back

In danger abroad  
Never asked you to worry  
Okay, but I did

It began at Ray’s  
He’s cute when he oscillates  
Thank you B13

David, it’s Patrick  
I think I called you David  
But that’s not your name

Out of town conference  
RAMC cocktails and networking  
Mom slept with Roland?

Searching for an “in”  
I’m not here for your sister  
I picked out that frame

Mid-range denim clad  
Struck hard by a unicorn  
He’ll get the money

He caused hurt and pain  
When someone else came along  
Learned to love again

Lice infestation  
Creates opportunity  
Wanna sleep over?

Hey, is that my drink?  
No, you have a sloppy mouth  
Um, what just happened?

I’m drinking his juice  
Hungry for that sloppy mouth  
To press on my skin

Who buys their foot cream  
In Rose Apothecary?  
Not Darlene’s cousin

Working together  
“He is my business partner”  
Wanting so much more

Attraction stirring  
Feeling confused and unsure  
Hiking alone helps

Feelings develop  
It is new but it feels right  
Courage is mustered

Don’t have to do that  
He says, no, but I’d like to  
Birthday dinner date

Wanting approval,  
A beaming daughter feels loved  
A mother feels pride

Just a framed receipt  
But it’s the clue he needed  
For a brave first kiss

Where can he find love?  
With a business major who  
Wears mid-range denim

Lips touch; hearts ablaze  
Call me whenever you like  
Goodnight sweet Patrick

It’s the thought that counts  
Not which names are on the cake  
Our best has been done

Alex and Davis  
One night, two different milestones  
A new beginning


	5. The Precipice of Greatness

He’s not in the mood  
For her sibling sarcasm  
Fall off a bridge, please

Cloaked in monochrome  
Sharp edges hide a soft heart  
He is good, and nice

This is what again?  
And I need to apply, why?  
Oh. A steady hand

I said, “Take it slow”  
Then you gave me a hickey  
Thank God for Stevie

Lock it up David  
This may be our only chance  
Smile into the kiss

I know what’s correct  
My boyfriend’s shoes, incorrect  
He said “my boyfriend”

He talked to my mom  
What audacity he had  
To just smack my ass

She’s nervous for him  
Being serenaded to  
She needn’t have been

Her hand finds his arm  
Overcome. Her son is seen  
For all that he is

For all that you are  
Isn’t that what we all want?  
Simply the secret

His guitar in hand  
He begins his serenade  
David is in awe

“I’m stuck on your heart”  
He sang so sweetly to me  
Think this might be love

It’s too much, he says  
But speaking figuratively  
Half has been eaten

Sliders on the grill  
Then from nowhere she appears  
Fragile trust betrayed

Desperation, his  
Eyes plead with a wounded stare  
You make me feel right

Their trust is broken  
Olive branches are extended  
“Unbelievable!”

Sarcastic, witty  
They are two peas in a pod  
Best friends forever

Flighty and flaky  
A woman in her prime  
Becomes a girl boss

There’s an awkward hug  
But David says the right words  
Ted loves Alexis

One said it quickly  
One needed a bit more time  
“I love you” always


	6. We'll Get Through This Together

Door open or closed?  
The men need more privacy  
A new apartment

No cherry blossoms  
Drunk karaoke singing  
Sweet vindication

Nervous energy  
Waiting for him to return  
Will he still want me?

Don’t want his number  
Hate his awful squared off shoes  
He’s just not David

Jocelyn drops her hands  
What are we gonna do now?  
“Don’t despair,” says Moira

“Well then I am here  
We’ll get through this together”  
Made everything okay

Four gold rings offered  
“It’s a yes,” said in reply  
Boys in love always

What was I thinking  
Hiking to Rattlesnake Point  
But then he said yes

Champagne and a view  
My easiest decision  
Celebrating love

We went for a hike  
Carried you up a mountain  
Eating cheese after

Golden rings offered  
Are these twenty-four carat?  
Yes, yes, it’s a yes

David’s eyes shine bright  
Gazing at his true love and  
His four golden rings

Your easiest decision  
Lips like petals on my throat  
Color me in gold

Each rose planted on  
The precipice of greatness  
Blooms in their own spring

Good things are coming  
A golden ring of light shines  
It’s all in the cards

Can Alexis act?  
Or sing? Maybe she can dance  
Kit Kat Girl it is!

Portraying Emcee  
Patrick reflects on his past  
A life without lust

Thrusting hips, red lips  
Patrick’s Cabaret costume  
Sex personified

Stevie Budd takes flight  
On stage, surprising herself  
Where will she end up?

In Magdalena  
The moment her life changes  
Is maybe, this time


	7. Their Cup Runs Over

Love like a sunset  
Patrick touches David’s tie  
Soft smiles, shared secrets

David and Patrick  
Dancing slowly, lights down low  
Husbands now, forever

Ted and Alexis  
Travel to Galapagos  
Will they or won’t they?

Johnny and Moira  
Heading into the future  
A life of love grows

Barriers broken  
Years of transformative love  
This fam'ly found home

Eyes crinkle, hands hold  
This magical place, Schitt's Creek  
There were four, now six

Their cup runs over  
Familial love spilling free  
New members embraced

Lost it all, then moved  
To a Podunk town – Schitt’s Creek  
There, they won it all

The glowing sunset  
Rosebud Motel shines behind  
A final season

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously! Share your haikus.


End file.
